Self Check-up

So at the beginning of this year, I made a promise that to myself that I would be the best Bree that I could be and I went about making a Vision board for 2013.  I took ideas and quotes that I found on Pinterest that spoke to me and made a collage of what I felt needed to be done over the next 365 days.

Since today is the first day of summer (wow – the year is really flying by) I thought I’d do a self “check-up” to see how I’ve been doing on these visions of becoming the best version of me.  So let’s take a look at my board…

I feel that since January, I have done pretty well on focusing on the positive.  Even when life has handed me lemons and sour grapes, I’ve managed to make some lemonade and wine from them.I have definitely grown more in my faith, thanks in part to my new role as an interpreter at church.  The need to delve deeper into the meaning of God’s word, in order to break through the symbolism of the text has really opened my eyes and helped me to better understand some of the scriptures that I’ve heard over and over again since I was a child.  Sometimes taking a closer look allows you to see familiar things in a whole new light and it has been inspiring.

Exercise…well I’m definitely on that kick (who knew!) as I’m now down 15 lbs since mid-May and loving every minute of doing Zumba.  This is one thing that I WILL continue to do for the betterment of Bree!

I’ve also managed to think more positively this year than I think I have in awhile.  I still tend to stress and worry about things that shouldn’t require as much focus as I give them, but I can honestly say that I am much happier than I’ve been in some time.  Maybe it’s the exercise, maybe it’s my faith; whatever it is…I’m enjoying it!

Dressing nicer…well today, I’ve got it going on, but other days I probably should have someone call up “What Not to Wear” to force me into a better wardrobe.  Working for an engineering firm with nearly all men and a relaxed dress code has not done my wardrobe any favors.  Then again, I haven’t done myself many favors of becoming so careless about my appearance.  I do have a cute, new haircut that I love and I’ve received so many compliments on (from even strangers…at Target!) so maybe I should dress to match my hair??

Unfortunately business has not been what it was in the past and numbers are way down so far this year – so that means that extra money to set aside for big trips is a no go at this time.  Hopefully I can figure a way to get customers to take me up on my services – graphic design and teaching Sign Language – which will help pad my pocketbook a bit more over time.

And then there’s this confidence stuff.  Yea, I saved it for last, even though it is prominently displayed, more than once on my Vision board.  This is something that I face every day.  It’s something that has eaten away at me since I was 10 and has caused me to miss out on a lot of different opportunities because it was “easier” to just stay at home where it was “safe”.  I say it was easier because at the time of the decision, it seemed like the better option, in order to avoid a risky situation, even though later on I would tend to regret my choice to miss out on an opportunity that probably would have been a lot of fun.  I’m tired of living this tightly controlled and isolating life.  I’m tired of self-doubt winning and I’m tired of the whispers that I’m not good enough and will never be.  

This poem, by Hope Saxton, speaks such truth to what my life has been and what I want it to be.  I think I’m finally ready to scrub out all the sadness and self-doubt and let the light shine in, but I’m not exactly sure how to go about doing that. I’ve spent the last 20 years of my life living in this darkness.  Maybe the light is going to be bright?

In a post that I found on Facebook today, from Proverbs 31 Ministries, I came across a book called, A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself & Live in the Security of God’s Promises.  It sounded like exactly what I need and also reminded me that I need to go back and finish reading Calm my Anxious Heart, by Linda Dillow, that I picked up on my trip to Minnesota in December.
I went ahead and purchased the book because after reading the first chapter (found on Renee Swope’s website), I know that this is the first step that I need to take to face the light.  Also while on her site, I came across another opportunity and this is what I’m going to use to kick-start my journey to a more confident Bree.Do you want to join me in losing the weight of discouragement and self-doubt? Renee is offering a FREE “7-day Doubt Diet.” Just click here to enter your information in her sidebar, and you’ll receive a week’s worth of devotions. Let me know so we encourage one another along the way.

So to wrap up my self “check-up”, I think I’ve done pretty well in working toward achieving the goals that I set at the first of this year.  There’s always room for improvement, so I’m going to take that room and I’m going to fill it with confidence!