Oh, Baby! Not Yet Married & Not Yet a Mother
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As a single woman, these inevitable baby booms can be downright depressing. Endless numbers of invites to baby showers fill mailboxes, which lead to purchases of miniature outfits for other people’s children and attending parties where we play silly and sometimes disgusting games (like eating strained peas and spinach to determine which is which…uh, puh-lease!?! don’t play this at your baby shower) to appease the next momma-to-be.
It’s rough. It’s tiring and it hurts.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love babies and I love that my friends are fortunate enough to be having babies. I’m all for a new generation being brought up by these incredible people in my life…but as their arms begin to overflow with love, I am forced to stare down at my empty arms and empty ring finger and wonder when it’s going to be my time. And if “my time” will ever happen in my lifetime.
Luckily I know better than to crawl in a hole and wait out the sudden influx of babies. I also know better than to hang my head in shame every time I hear the announcement of another couple who is expecting. I’m not yet married and not yet a mother, but I’m strong. Strong, you ask? Yes, I’m strong, because I have no other choice than to be.
I carry arm loads of grocery bags to the door and manage to get my key in the lock without spilling anything (or losing a finger due to my lazy man’s load cutting off precious blood flow). I take out the trash and take my car to get the oil changed. I pay all of the bills, and I even kill spiders and other creepy crawlies. I don’t have an option not to do those things for the time being.
But I’m strong in other ways too. I am strong in my faith and knowledge that my God is providing me this time in order to grow in my relationship with Him, rather than delving deeper into a relationship with a man in order to be the next one with a bump. I’m strong as I don’t give into the temptations of this world in “hooking up” with the next single guy that greets me at the grocery store. I’m strong in my convictions to wait for a man that is worth becoming the father of my future children. I’m strong because I choose to be.
So even though the endless line of baby bumps are a constant reminder of the people I don’t have yet in my life, I praise and thank God for the people who I do have around me. And I know that if it is God’s will for “my time” to ever arrive, I’ll be better equipped to handle what life throws at me.
A husband, or not. One child, or none. As long as I’ve got God, I’ve got all I need.
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“A husband, or not. One child, or none. As long as I’ve got God, I’ve got all I need.”
Yes! You are a fun writer and this is spot on what I needed today! God is my ultimate audience!
Thanks for linking up with #InspireMeMonday! I look forward to reading more!
Aww, Angie thank you! It’s taken me some time to come to this perspective on things, but you are absolutely right, there is no greater audience than He! Thank you for the opportunity to link up and share! I look forward to connecting with you again in the future. #BeBlessed
“So even though the endless line of baby bumps are a constant reminder of the people I don’t have yet in my life, I praise and thank God for the people who I do have around me.” I love this perspective. It is so easy to let comparison steal our joy. I love that you’re choosing gratitude.
Thank you so much for sharing your favorite quote, Emily! It’s a much healthier perspective (and one that has taken some time to achieve) than what seems to come natural. I really appreciate you stopping by and taking the time to leave a note. I pray that your day is blessed and you will stop back again soon!
Hi Bree! Just left a comment on Womanhood with Purpose, but wanted to say here how much I love your willingness to let God speak to you through everything in life and how you use it to minister hope to us, too. 🙂
There’s no coincidence…only God! It’s amazing how he worked it out that our posts would end up beside one another’s! I love what you said about how we feel like we must live up to these “timelines” and often become discouraged since we feel like we’re not living up to standards, when it’s really we’re not allowing ourselves to live up to God’s! May be inspiration for another post along these lines. Thank you so much for your words and encouragement. Many blessings to you my sister!
Read Kim’s full comment here: http://www.womanhoodwithpurpose.com/oh-baby-yet-married-yet-mother/#comment-10185
Hey Bree! I’m stopping over from Angie Ryg’s Inspire Me Monday! LOVED your post. Even though I can’t identify with all of your story my husband and I dealt with infertility for 7 years. The burdens one’s heart can carry when wishing for children can be immense. BUT GOD (I so grateful for the “BUT GOD”‘s in my life) used those seven years to teach me that HE was sufficient. So. Grateful. Reading your story today reminded me of that. Thank you. It is good to be reminded! (PS. I’m excited for the BUT GOD happening in your life too!) Blessings!
Cindy, thank you so much for stopping by and for your inspiring thoughts! BUT GOD <-- that is SO good! There are so many moments in our lives when we're plugging along and feel like we're getting no where --BUT GOD-- steps in and provides us the direction we need to go. I'm grateful that you found the reminder you needed in this post. Many blessings to you as well!
What a great article! While I can’t complete relate (since I am married AND a mother) I do know that since we started our adoption process it seems like everyone else has been able to move on with their lives and have more kids (seriously, I think every woman of child bearing age that I know has had a kid OR TWO in the last two and a half years). It can be hard when you are waiting on God, but I like how you put it: “I praise and thank God for the people who I do have around me”. Yes, I know that’s exactly what I need to be doing too!
Thanks for linking up!
Chantel, thank you for sharing a bit of your story, such a testament of faith! No matter the season of our lives and the trials we are facing, it is an incredible thing that we can all find hope in tomorrow through Christ. I pray that your tomorrows will be filled with joy and the laughter of babes! Many blessings!
Hi Bree, thanks for sharing your experience, I can relate very well with this because am single and not yet a mother, and am in my thirties. Well I have actually passed the stage where I was so desperate, so needy, broke down at every snide remarks made by family, friends and colleagues. I have reached the point where I actually realised that the most important thing is been in a consistent relationship with God. I have come to realise that this is a Gift from God to me, its a passing phase, that will never come again. I have made up my mind to enjoy and cherish every single minute of it. I have reached the point where cruel remarks made by people only remind me that this is a phase that will pass. Above all whether it passes or not I have made up my mind that am going to keep loving and trusting God because His thought for me are good and not evil, am never going to spend another day asking God “why am not married”I chose to rest in God’s will and promises and keep walking with him because he loves me .hope I didn’t bore you with my experience.
Adedoyin, what a beautiful name! Thank you so much for visiting and no, you didn’t bore me with your experience. I’m happy that you felt comfortable enough to share it here and that this post has touched your heart. It’s a tough journey, this 30-something walk alone…but we’re never really alone are we? What a blessing it is to have Christ, even if our fingers and arms are bare! Looking forward to see you stop back again soon, many blessings!