Growth in Waiting

So a friend on Facebook suggested a book to me and after a little more research, I went ahead and purchased it and I cannot wait until the mailman drops it off at my door! The Single Woman™, is just what I’ve been looking for!

A little bit of back story as to why I’m excited to read about a single woman…since after all, I know one pretty well… myself! After friends of mine began encouraging me to start praying for my future husband, I read a book aptly titled, Praying for Your Future Husband, and though some of the advice provided within its pages is valid, most of the time I held back snickers because I just couldn’t imagine writing these letters that some women do, to this “dream man” that they all hope to marry.

And try as I might, I just couldn’t pray for this supposed man/figure of my imagination.  Instead I prayed for something that seemed more concrete and likely to happen; that God would mold me into the woman that He designed me to be, one that would compliment my future husband…whoever he may be.

I went along with this plan for a few months and then I came across this blog post that has recently gone viral…

…My Husband is Not My Soulmate, pretty much turned my way of thinking upside down.  Immediately, I was offended for the poor guy who this woman was saying was not her soulmate…how dare she!?!  But as I kept reading I realized she is exactly right.  For so long I have yearned for this man, this creature who would make my life complete. To be the ying to my yang, to be my everything.  There was even a man who I thought might be “the one” and I did a wonderful job of putting him on a pedestal, holding him at such a high esteem, that when I realized that it wasn’t meant to be, my world came crashing down around me.It took some time, but I finally figured out that it’s not healthy to hold someone to these unrealistic expectations, most in part of two great sermons taught at my church recently. Even living in single-dom, I was able to take away some incredibly valuable advice from two sermons that focused on relationship, especially marriage.

The Forgiven (listen to it here) talked about how we deal with conflict and how we should forgive someone…or go about asking for forgiveness.  I struggle with this, dealing with conflict.  When it arises, I choose the flight methodology out of the fight-or-flight.  I don’t like arguing my point because often times I fail, and if I fail, I get offended.  And when I get offended, I can say some pretty ugly things.  I’ve also had my share of difficulties in the past of truly forgiving (read about those here).

But I came away from that sermon with the understanding that we can’t enter into a relationship, especially a marriage, thinking that this individual we love and trust isn’t going to let us down.  He is going to do it because he’s flawed, he’s human and he will disappoint you.  Marriage in the Kingdom (listen to it here) was another profound teaching that struck me.  Pastor Adam spoke some very sobering words about what marriage is and what it is not.  He listed three key points:

1. Marriage is a God-ordained, life-long union between man and woman, and it’s more about what God is doing than it is about you or your spouse.  If we understand this, it will help us to understand our spouse’s short-comings and ultimately change the culture of our family, to one that is God-centered.
2. Marriage is disrupted by sin and divorce.  God never wanted us to experience divorce.
3. Marriage is not ultimate.  The kingdom of heaven is more precious, permanent and pressing than marriage.  The kingdom is ultimate.  Singleness should be used to live for and proclaim the glory of God’s kingdom.

Pretty powerful stuff, eh?  Number one reinforced the teachings from the message the week prior, The Forgiven, but number three…wow!  Marriage is not ultimate.  Wait? Marriage is not ultimate?  No matter what you’ve been taught or grown up thinking, it’s not where your life actually begins, it’s just another chapter of your life.  It’s not where you can finally settle into who you truly are, it’s just an extension of you.  It’s not what will make your life complete, that is a job that can only be taken on by our Creator.  And God’s intention was never for you to be handed this “guitar playing youth pastor” of a man that you’ve always dreamed of marrying, because it’s what you want. It’s not about you…it’s about Him.  That Him, is Jesus.

So why am I’m excited to read about The Single Woman? Mandy Hale, the author and blogger at www.thesinglewoman.net reassures us that she is not the single woman, we’re all the single women, who have been wronged and shamed for our singleness.  She reminds us that despite it all, we have gone ahead and done things that most married women would love to do, but don’t even have the time to consider.  We are the women who have the ability to do something with our “free time”, working towards a more ultimate goal.