I Can’t Believe You Said That! Confessions of Singledom

What gets me is that they often feel justified in blurting out the most insane, inappropriate and downright rude or offensive bits of advice, trying to pass it off as loving support.  And all I want to say is, “I can’t believe you said that!“

This post is not directed to any one person or persons.  This post is not to demean or ostracize those who are in relationships.  This post is simply to show that common courtesy to others, no matter their relationship status, is warranted and appreciated.

Okay, enough of that.  Onto what you really came here to read about, but first a little back history…

So I’ve been single for the last 4.5 years.  Yes, single.  Not one date, or a single kiss.  If you’re pitying me right now, stop it because I did enough of that on my own for the first three years of this unattached journey of mine.

I was lonely and desperate and idolized boys like it was part of my job. And to make matters worse, society made me believe that I should be feeling that way about my naked ring finger.

From television and movies, to the bright colors of magazines wallpapering the checkout aisles.  And then there’s this stand that people feel they must make to do away with singleness, as though it’s suddenly become one of the deadliest sins or diseases.

So instead of telling you that singledom is awesome and a great time for growth and change (like I’ve done in the past), I’m here to share with you the confessions of my heart and just how ruthless some people can be when encountering someone who is not bound by a romantic relationship.

What they said…
“Guys, this is Bree.  She’s great.  She’s single too, so hook her up!”

My reaction…
(Internal struggle) Excuse me.  Did I say that I wanted my marital status blabbed to these strangers?  No.  And I know that I didn’t say that I wanted to be set up with some random person’s buddy who is unattached.  What qualifies them for becoming my matchmaker?

My response…
(Whilst trying to hide my burning red cheeks) “Hi, nice to meet you.  I’m just here to get to know some new folks.”

What they should have said…
“Guys, this is Bree.  She’s a great, get to know her!”  This approach allow me to make the decision whether or not to announce my relationship status and it also shows that I have worth in my current state, not just once I find someone to settle down with.

What they said…
“Oh honey, it’s okay.  Being single means you can masturbate all you want.  Anyways, it’s usually better than sex.”

My reaction…
(Internal struggle)  Uh, what?  Did I ask for your advice on my sex life?  Mind your own business!  And seriously, do you really think I’m going to compare notes with you about any of your escapades?

My response…
(With my head hanging in embarrassment) “Uh, thanks?”

What they should have said…
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!  Just because you overhear something, does not mean that you are welcome to throw in your two cents worth, especially when it involves talking about masturbation in public!  ::shakes head::

If you, a complete stranger, really feel compelled to approach me to share advice about singleness, then consider doing so with a tender, supportive response that lets me know that I’m not alone, rather than feel even more alienated.  It will be much better received and appreciated.

What they said…
I know you’re probably looking for something to do on Friday night, so would you be willing to watch my kids?

My reaction…
(Internal struggle) No.  I’m not looking for something to do on Friday night because I actually do have a life, and I’m not as lonely and pathetic as you think I am just because I haven’t settled.

My response…
I’m sorry, I’m going out to dinner with “so-n-so”.  Wish I could help.

What they should have said…
If you said, “Hey, hubby wants to take me out for dinner on Friday.  If you’re not busy, would you be willing to watch the kids?”  then I might be willing to change that flat out NO to at least a maybe.

First and foremost, don’t assume that my life is full of free time because I don’t have a date set up for Friday night.  And second off, be sure that you intersperse your conversations with invitations to spend time together doing things that you used to do before you tied the knot and started your family, or call to check up and see how life is going.

Us singles don’t stop having feelings just because your life is on a different track.  We often times miss you but don’t initiate the approach because we’re afraid we’ll be turned down since you’re busy with your family’s responsibilities.

But guess what, life is just not that fair.  And while we singles don’t always make our lives any easier (especially when we begin to believe that our worth is wrapped up in our marital status), we can’t fault those on the outside for wanting to help us find happiness, just as they have.

However, those on the outside also need to take a grain of humility and consider their approach when offering advice to singles.  Stop to think if your single friend or acquaintance is really looking to be set up.  If you’re not sure, ask us how we feel about being single.  That’s a much better lead in than offering to sign us up for another round of Match.com.