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The list, THE list, of ingredients for the perfect man. It’s something that every woman has written at one point time, if not on paper, on her heart. It’s the hopes and dreams and wishes for a man like her daddy, or anything else other than her daddy. It’s a list that over the passing of time will change and adopt new “top” items as life lessons are learned.
Mine has grown and changed, shortened and grown again. It’s a list I used to rattle off to God, hoping he was taking notes and molding a man into what I wanted and needed as my future husband, but then my perspective changed. I do believe that God has our future mate picked out, just as He has written every other chapter of our lives, but I don’t feel the need to pray for the things I want in a man, or even pray for this supposed future mate, because God knows best.
So my list has changed drastically. Instead of listing things that make up my “perfect man”, such as, “He enjoys the outdoors, but also enjoys staying in and watching movies”, it now includes characteristics of a person that would be ideal to spend the rest of my life with because I’m not settling for anything but the best.
No. 5 – Appreciates Sarcasm
This may seem strange to include in my Top 5 list, but if you knew anything about my family, you’d understand. There’s not a serious bone in our body. We are good at managing those bones to behave according to the situation, but most of the time we’re downright comical. Sarcasm flows through conversations just as much as the teenage girl uses the filler, “like”. We pick on one another, we shoot zingers at each other at family gatherings and we take the world and what it brings us with a grain of salt, which is then tossed over our shoulder to ward off vampires (except Damon from The Vampire Diaries; he’s welcome at my house any time!). In a strange way, it’s how we show our feelings towards one another. But it’s how we roll; it’s how I roll and it’s how I hope my future family will roll. Life is much easier to swallow with a bit of laughter mixed in!
No. 4 – Family Man
I love kids and I love my family. Being a part of a family of five, I have come to learn through my singleness and living alone, how accustomed I had grown to the chaos and noise of life. The sounds of your loved ones, even from a separate room, is comforting and a reminder of the blessings God has given us. My family means the world to me. I wouldn’t be the woman that I am today without them. They have helped to mold and shape me through their guidance and support. They have helped me pick up the broken pieces of life time and again and they’ve seen me through some of my hardest decisions.
It is my prayer that I am blessed to find a man whose family means just as much to him as mine means to me. It is my prayer that he will look forward to family gatherings and enjoy spending time with the people that first loved us. It is my prayer that he will desire to expand our family through the blessing of children. I pray that he will be the kind of earthly father that my children will need to love and guide them to becoming followers of Christ and stewards of His creation.
No. 3 – Accepting of Others
My older sister, my smile maker, has Cerebral Palsy. Don’t say, “Ah, I’m sorry.” Don’t say, “Oh that’s too bad.” Please don’t say anything at all. To me, stating the above is like saying my sister is a brunette. Both are facts and I love her no matter who she is and what she looks like to the outside world. I was born into a family that was already set aside as being different. I’ve not known life any other way and it will never be any other way here on earth. My future spouse needs to understand these things. He needs to know what it means to have someone else in his life who is fully dependent upon others, no matter their age. He needs to see her as I see her, as a beautiful, caring and intelligent being with a wicked sense of humor. There’s no way around it. She is a part of who I am today and will forever be.
No. 2 – Devoted and Pursuant
This man whom I am to accept in my life as being my partner, must be devoted to all that he does. That means his responsibilities at work, at home, at church and in his relationships with others and myself. He needs to know that when he says, “yes” to something that he needs to carry through with whatever it is he has agreed to, until it is no longer beneficial in his growth as a man, husband, father or Christian.
He also needs to be pursuant of his dreams, and that includes me. I have done enough chasing of men in my time. I have settled for “lemons” that I thought I would be able to change from sour fruit into something sweet. Changing someone is a waste of time as it rarely produces results. A man should pursue a relationship with me, just as he pursues other hopes and dreams he has, with his whole heart. He should chase after and seek my heart, winning it out of love not obligation.
No. 1- Man of God
He’s gotta love God. No “ifs”, “ands” or “buts” about it! No matter how “good” of a man he is, if his number one priority is not having a relationship with Jesus, than I’m not interested. I’ve settled for much less than this in years past and it’s always bitten me in the behind. My earthly relationships suffered as I changed to become what my significant other wanted me to be. What was more devastating, was that I also allowed a relationship with a man to come between me and God. It won’t happen again. I’ve come to far to settle for anything but the best.
So what are the five most important things that you look for in a future mate?
Bree is a recovering perfectionist whose weaknesses include the dollar spot at Target and any pretty office supplies. Though she is an introvert, she has an insatiable craving for community and a desire to bring light to God’s purpose in the imperfections of life. Read More
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Love this! I did this once too. My top 5 were/are: Wants to live in the country, great sense of humor, good looking, will make a good father/wants children, a Godly man with a strong faith. And after waiting and a time of complete heartbreak, God answered my prayer and a man with all of those qualities and more asked me to marry him. All in God’s timing! He wants to give us the desires of our hearts, and I am forever thankful for that!
It’s encouraging to hear that I’m not the only one out there that writes these lists and secretly hopes and prays that God has picked out such a man for me. Congratulations and praise be to God who worked in your life to provide you the desires of your heart!
Dave, I think you fail to understand the point of this message. I have not gathered this list as a way to ask God to “find a man” that matches all of these qualities, but as a reminder to myself to not settle for anything less than the best; to not subject myself the types of relationships that I have endured previously.
In regards to your question of God’s priorities, the only answer I can provide to you is through scripture. John 16:33 says, “You will have suffering in this world”. These are the words of Jesus to his followers. He doesn’t say that there MIGHT be suffering, but that there WILL be suffering in the world. I cannot explain these things and don’t dare to because I am not God. I am not meant to understand. Only He knows why they take place. But I take heart in the words from 1 Corinthians 13:12, “Now [on earth] we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then [in heaven] we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.” Be blessed, my brother!
Dave, God does care about the details of each one of our lives, including yours. His heart is broken over each child who is hungry and each evil that occurs on this earth. But you see, God is a God who does not force His children to love Him. He does not force His will upon His creation. We have a choice to follow Him, we have a choice to love others and we have the choice to choose evil.
You can’t force someone to love you. And God loves us so much that he’s given us the freedom to choose whether or not we will love Him back.
Unfortunately, this world is full of evil and people who choose to do evil things. Governments steal resources so their people don’t have food. Men crave evil things and hurt others in the process.
When God created this world He also created the laws of nature and because of sin, events like the typhoon which hit the Philippines happen. He allows nature to take its course, not because He does not love us, but because sin has to run it’s course so that in the end, when Jesus comes back to take His people to Heaven, the entire universe will understand what sin does. And sin will never happen again.
We can praise God in our suffering. If we could see the beginning from the end, we would understand, but for now, we have to wait. God uses the good and the bad to teach and to bless.
The typhoon this past weekend was devastating. But God will use His people to bring relief to those who are hurting. He will have the glory in the end whether we see it now or at the end of time.
Job 13:15 says, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” Trusting God is all about faith. Faith is believing in those things we can’t see.
I totally understand and respect your comments in the first paragraph, and honestly wish the best for you. Everyone deserves to find true love. As for your second point, if we’re supposed to suffer at the hand of god, then why do people pray to end the suffering? If what you say is true, then when natural disasters strike (like the recent typhoon) we should be praising god for our suffering rather than begging him through prayer to change his divine plan.
First, I must start by saying that I am not a Biblical scholar; I am a woman with faith and the grace of God despite my many faults. I have turned my back on the very same God that created me, but I have seen Him work through me and many situations that caused me to turn back towards Him and His light. That said, what I believe is that God does cause us to suffer, but through those times of suffering and trials we are built up to become stronger and more capable do accomplish His will for us. These trials and these sufferings are small in comparison to what they could have been if Jesus had not come to wipe away our sins.
I also believe in a God of miracles. I have seen great things happen that cannot be explained, but only by the grace of God they occurred. How are we to know if God will intervene? We don’t know, so we must have trust and faith in Him to do what is right for us, and therefore we pray. We also don’t know if these miracles aren’t already a part of our destiny. It all comes back to Him being all-knowing and for us to have faith that one day we’ll have the chance to come into that understanding.
Like 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (MSG) says, “So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.”
It is also said in Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV), “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
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Love this! I did this once too. My top 5 were/are: Wants to live in the country, great sense of humor, good looking, will make a good father/wants children, a Godly man with a strong faith. And after waiting and a time of complete heartbreak, God answered my prayer and a man with all of those qualities and more asked me to marry him. All in God’s timing! He wants to give us the desires of our hearts, and I am forever thankful for that!
It’s encouraging to hear that I’m not the only one out there that writes these lists and secretly hopes and prays that God has picked out such a man for me. Congratulations and praise be to God who worked in your life to provide you the desires of your heart!
If god helps you find a man, but allows children to starve to death and be raped, then god has a serious problem with prioritizing his tasks!
Dave, I think you fail to understand the point of this message. I have not gathered this list as a way to ask God to “find a man” that matches all of these qualities, but as a reminder to myself to not settle for anything less than the best; to not subject myself the types of relationships that I have endured previously.
In regards to your question of God’s priorities, the only answer I can provide to you is through scripture. John 16:33 says, “You will have suffering in this world”. These are the words of Jesus to his followers. He doesn’t say that there MIGHT be suffering, but that there WILL be suffering in the world. I cannot explain these things and don’t dare to because I am not God. I am not meant to understand. Only He knows why they take place. But I take heart in the words from 1 Corinthians 13:12, “Now [on earth] we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then [in heaven] we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.” Be blessed, my brother!
Dave, God does care about the details of each one of our lives, including yours. His heart is broken over each child who is hungry and each evil that occurs on this earth. But you see, God is a God who does not force His children to love Him. He does not force His will upon His creation. We have a choice to follow Him, we have a choice to love others and we have the choice to choose evil.
You can’t force someone to love you. And God loves us so much that he’s given us the freedom to choose whether or not we will love Him back.
Unfortunately, this world is full of evil and people who choose to do evil things. Governments steal resources so their people don’t have food. Men crave evil things and hurt others in the process.
When God created this world He also created the laws of nature and because of sin, events like the typhoon which hit the Philippines happen. He allows nature to take its course, not because He does not love us, but because sin has to run it’s course so that in the end, when Jesus comes back to take His people to Heaven, the entire universe will understand what sin does. And sin will never happen again.
We can praise God in our suffering. If we could see the beginning from the end, we would understand, but for now, we have to wait. God uses the good and the bad to teach and to bless.
The typhoon this past weekend was devastating. But God will use His people to bring relief to those who are hurting. He will have the glory in the end whether we see it now or at the end of time.
Job 13:15 says, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” Trusting God is all about faith. Faith is believing in those things we can’t see.
I totally understand and respect your comments in the first paragraph, and honestly wish the best for you. Everyone deserves to find true love. As for your second point, if we’re supposed to suffer at the hand of god, then why do people pray to end the suffering? If what you say is true, then when natural disasters strike (like the recent typhoon) we should be praising god for our suffering rather than begging him through prayer to change his divine plan.
First, I must start by saying that I am not a Biblical scholar; I am a woman with faith and the grace of God despite my many faults. I have turned my back on the very same God that created me, but I have seen Him work through me and many situations that caused me to turn back towards Him and His light. That said, what I believe is that God does cause us to suffer, but through those times of suffering and trials we are built up to become stronger and more capable do accomplish His will for us. These trials and these sufferings are small in comparison to what they could have been if Jesus had not come to wipe away our sins.
I also believe in a God of miracles. I have seen great things happen that cannot be explained, but only by the grace of God they occurred. How are we to know if God will intervene? We don’t know, so we must have trust and faith in Him to do what is right for us, and therefore we pray. We also don’t know if these miracles aren’t already a part of our destiny. It all comes back to Him being all-knowing and for us to have faith that one day we’ll have the chance to come into that understanding.
Like 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (MSG) says, “So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.”
It is also said in Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV), “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”