Building Community as an Introvert
The room is filled with sounds; of laughter and chairs scraping across the worn wood floors. Glasses are being drained and filled again. There’s intermingling conversations and the far away sound of the night coming to life. It’s a chaotic peace that settles warmly within my soul. Community.
Since I was young, I craved friendships that went beyond the schoolyard playground. I longed for face to face interactions, long phone calls, and inside jokes that induced rounds of belly laughs. I prayed for the kind of people who didn’t think twice about digging in deep and learning my character as much as I longed to know their own.
But there’s always been a problem. I’m an introvert.
Introversion, it’s a trait that I’ve allowed to hold me back from experiences that most others thrive in and enjoy. It’s also a trait that easily concocts justifiable excuses of why I should not pursue something outside my norm. And over the years I’ve learned just how lonely that can make a person.
Do you make excuses too? Have you ever told yourself that you won’t fit in or you’re not good enough for a certain task or group of people?
You’re not alone.
According to statistics, introverts make up 40-50% of the people around you, meaning that approximately half of the world’s population prefers to skip the small talk and cut to the meaningful conversation. Half of the world’s population derives their energy from time alone.
So how do we as introverts, build thriving communities when setting a foundation requires a lot of effort, ie., small talk?
- Pray – God is community (Father, Son and Holy Spirit), so He understands the importance of this type of connection, especially in His creation. He knows the desires of your heart, He put them there, and He longs to provide opportunities to make you smile. Take some time and share with Him. If there’s a group of people whom you want to connect with, tell Him about it. If there’s someone that you admire and hope to meet, but don’t know how to approach, ask for guidance. He’ll meet you where you are.
- Be Bold – Introversion is not an excuse to sit back and feel sorry for yourself. It’s part of your personality, but you have great worth, and that worth is needed in this world. Take a deep breath and introduce yourself to someone new. Stepping out of your comfort zone may turn out to be the most comfortable and/or rewarding step you’ve ever taken.
- Be Honest – Remember that 40-50% of the world’s population is introverted, so there’s a good chance that others in the community of friends you’re building feel the same way as you. By being honest and open about your tendencies to shy away from large groups or being quiet in conversations allows your extroverted friends to know that a little extra encouragement may be needed to get you involved in social settings or to retreat from your living room.
- Be a Leader and a Follower – Everyone has their own set of strengths, so don’t feel obligated to always push yourself to the limit, especially if someone else in your group is willing to take the lead. But at the same time, don’t use this as another excuse to always be the follower. It’s sometimes fun to surprise your friends by being the first to make contact or to plan an event, and putting yourself out there in that capacity may spark something inside of you that you didn’t know existed.
- Be Yourself – God created you just as you are, on purpose, with purpose and for a purpose. The people that He has placed in your path are there for a reason, so don’t feel like you have to impress them or go out of your way to make them like you. You, just as you are, are valuable and what you have to offer may be the very thing that the others in your community need.
“God is community; He understands the importance of this connection, especially in His creation.”
Do you have a desire in your heart for a community of friends? Have you taken any of the steps above to grow a community? I’d love to hear what has worked (and even what hasn’t worked) for you.
